It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I’m sure no one has been dying to know where I’ve been, but maybe those visiting this spot for the first time have found it a bit of a ghost town. And it’s hard to describe in words exactly where I’ve been which is why I’ve been a bit silent.
The easy answer is I’ve been hanging out lots with my friend Krista Gilbert over on The Open Door Sisterhood Podcast where we’ve talked with old friends like Elisa Morgan and Jess Wolstenholm and made new friends like Mo Isom and Kendra Broekhuis. I’ve been on Instagram in my virtual/social life where you’ll see in my actual life I’ve also been on the soccer sidelines a bunch. Because it’s been spring and that’s what we do in spring (in fact I’m typing this out right now in my car parked next to an AstroTurf field while my girls run around.)
Speaking of podcasts I’ve visited a few others, like Kendra Tillman’s StrongHer Podcast and Merritt Onsa’s The Devoted Dreamers Podcast. And just today you can catch me talking with Jim Daly and John Fuller on Focus on the Family’s Daily Broadcast. Yep lots of words. And the best part? I rarely need to leave my house, or even get dressed, to record these conversations. It works well with the driving to three schools kind of schedule. And the pajama schedule.
I’ve been writing, working on the plan for the next book, finishing up details for Loving My Actual Christmas which releases in fall for the holiday season, and continuing to write on Loving My Actual Life whenever possible because I’m constantly working on enjoying every part of this God-gifted life. My writing has been over on the MOPS’ blog and The Open Door Sisterhood blog, the Really blog and Focus on the Family site and magazine.
But the real challenge has been the contentment in the middle. Of my actual struggles that is. My step-father passed away in October and I think that has been my biggest barrier to sitting down in this space and choosing any topic. Because the topic on the tip of my heart has felt impossible to put into words.
Often my writing involves assignment; we need a post on this, an article about that. But here in this space, my little corner of the Internet, is an invitation for me to write about what is closest to my current heartbeat. And, well, that has felt too tender. There are some things that must be held close. That are not for public consumption. At least not right away, typed out quickly. And every time I’ve tried to write anything here, it just hasn’t felt right. That’s not very eloquent, I know. But articulating has not come easy here. This is a journey that cannot be summarized in 350 words or less. And well you see where I’ve been getting stuck.
In other words I’ve been struggling with how to get my head and heart smoothed out and as a result have felt stumped in this space. Because I only want to write what is true. Though I wasn’t ready to be public yet, I also wasn’t ready to go there. (I write some about my grief during the holidays in the new Christmas book, but that felt like there was safe distance between when I wrote and when it would be read.) I didn’t make any announcement on social media. I figured if you weren’t part of my actual life, it was too close still to tell. And yet, when then do I bring it up? Well, now it seems.
If I’ve learned anything the last year it’s that pushing through the hard is worth it on the other side. I’ve also learned it’s something I tend to avoid. So I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding this blog space. But it’s time to push through. Now that I can say this has been the elephant in my writing room, we can move on. I will not tackle it here today. Except to say this is where I’ve been.