I’m a sucker for a party with a theme.
Since Valentine’s Day is one big red and white, heart-themed event, I’m at risk for going into a dangerous Pinterest fury. Like all of the other wonderful holidays, this one has fallen to the marketing machine where we could each fill our own private landfills with the crap (there really is no other word for it) available to us. My local Target was bringing out Valentine’s stuff BEFORE Christmas. I’m confident we can all agree that is just nonsense.
When I was eight-years old and lived in Italy, the only American child in a small town, I was often asked about Valentine’s Day. Why? Because the obscure, tiny spot where I lived claimed to be the hometown of san Valentino, the patron saint of the holiday, and the townspeople had heard rumors that Americans went ga-ga over him. I reassured them we Americans knew nothing of the saint the holiday was named after. We followed Hallmark and Russell Stover’s lead on this one.
But enough of the probable roots of my infatuation, back to today’s dilemma. As moms we face this week and all of its parties and candy and marketing, with expectations on us around what our children should experience, and how we should provide that awesomeness for them. (I know for some this holiday is about romance. It just hasn’t been our thing as a couple to make much of it. Great for you if it is!) Once I became a mom it was like the Valentine floodgates opened and the world was mine to glitter and sticker. Case in point, each of my daughters “hosted” a Valentine’s Day party as a baby.
So I find myself caught in the middle. The party favor obsessor that I am has already been to the Dollar Tree, Target and Hobby Lobby for Valentine purchases. And my minimalist side is ready to pack my children up in the minivan and drive off into the pink (appropriately holiday colored) sunset.
In order to keep my two conflicting sides from causing me to spontaneously implode, I keep going back to one critical, centering question:
Who am I doing this for?
Good boundaries would dictate “Duh, the kids”. I promise, pinky swear in fact, that I tend to be a hands off mom, letting my kids wear, eat, play, talk about whatever they want. But there is something about this holiday that gets to my inner bizerk and I’m tempted to go a bit overboard in the heart-shaped meal making, special outfit wearing, gift purchasing, so I need to keep my question at the forefront of my mind.
Because when I remember all of these details are meant for my children’s enjoyment, I let go of the pressure to orchestrate Valentine’s Day and in its place a few beautiful things happen:
My girls make their own cards for their classmates, no matter how sloppy the cutting or the handwriting. I step back and release the OCD that could take over.
My children choose if they are going to give a little treat to each friend and then participate in making that treat materialize. From counting candies to put into bags to designing labels on the computer. I am the helper, but they are in charge.
I don’t worry what Susie Q’s mom is making for the class because I’m reminded this is not an event in the mothering Olympics. No medals will be given out at the end of the day.
Our family meals are allowed to include foods that are outside the red, white and pink color scheme. (Also allowed food not in the shape of a heart or cupid and food without sprinkles.)
My girls wear what they want. Even if I had something especially darling and heart-themed in mind. Their holiday. Their clothes. (Perhaps you mom of boys have to imagine on this one.)
I let go of worries about an overextended budget because I am investing in what my children really want from me: my time, help and encouragement, and a few heart-shaped notes from me with sincere appreciation for who they are.
I take deep breaths and enjoy a day that’s meant to spread a little love to the people who mean the most to me.
XOXO