A new day. A new me.
Yesterday I attended a one-day event in Denver for women juggling work and family. Right from the beginning the event’s planners said they’re opposed to the notion of ‘balance’. That instead, they frame life in terms of “mix”. Women have a mix of work, family, interests and that everyone’s mix looks different. Hence their name Women in the Mix and the tagline for the day: Thrive in your mix. Balance implies two equal portions and well who has equal anything going on? I was certainly on board.
From the first speaker who pushed for an integrated schedule, to the last who told her own story of learning from failure, there was an emphasis on a holistic approach to our days. There were presenters on everything from managing life’s detours to creating a fashion sense that matches your brand. It really was a treat of a day.
But from all of these inspirational and introspective speakers, I was surprised the one that felt the most needed and relevant to me was the home organizer. Major Mom, a home organizing service tagged me right away as the perfectionist who gets paralyzed by her disorganization. As this woman stood on stage she described me and my piles of papers and disaster of a playroom. She said I don’t know where to start because I want it to be all the way done. But I need to start somewhere. As I sat in the front row I felt both paralyzed and known at the same time.
We did some self-assessments throughout the day and on one I scored highest on Community (I’m all about a network of support). Great. And lowest on Home. Chaos is often the best descriptor of my physical space.
Because of my faith I believe I am loved and accepted right where I am. This means I give myself lots of grace in the areas where I don’t thrive, which sometimes keeps me from moving toward change. I’ve realized this year I’m not a self-starter. I act when there is a catalyst. (Not a huge revelation, but I’ve REALLY been aware of this the last 12 months).
On another of yesterday’s assessments I scored highest on self-acceptance. Why? Because I know Jesus’ love is new every morning and as far as my value is concerned, I don’t need to perform to receive his love. I often stop there, with that beautiful knowledge. But I still need to clean out that hall closet so I don’t feel frazzled every time I look for children’s ibuprofen! I can stand on grace, but I need to move if I want to get things done. A light example I realize – a disorganized closet or basement or office – but the principle runs to my deeper and tougher places and behaviors too.
So I’m going to push through the places where I tend to get paralyzed and address a few things head on. I want to be more present with my family when I’m with them. I’m taking the Facebook app off of my phone today. I want our house to be more organized. I’m cleaning out my bedroom closet this afternoon. I want to write more often. Well…you’re reading this right?
I’m great at being, really I am. I went to MOPS this morning and listened and joked and laughed for two hours (hence the perfect ten on the Community category). This afternoon I’m going to work on doing. On creating my own catalyst. On jumping in even where – especially where – I tend to freeze.
Because it IS a new day. And because of that gift of grace I CAN change to a new me.