I cried in my kitchen last night. I had just heard that one of the students shot at STEM school in Highlands Ranch died. It felt too close. A half hour drive from my house, I have many friends who live in the Denver suburb. I visit churches there. I’ve been with the book club at the church that is hosting crisis counseling for the community today. I have a high school student, a middle school student, and two elementary aged kids. STEM school houses all of those ages. Too close.

And too familiar. I’ve written about schools and guns more than once. Here, here, and here and in my book Loving My Actual Life. Because I’m a parent in the United States in 2019, like it or not, this is part of my reality. I realized a few summers ago that I wasn’t paying attention to the direction sirens were headed during the day because my children were home with me. I unconsciously reserved that listening for when they were in school.

I’m exhausted by the constant stress and unproductive arguing. As I drove one of my girls to school this morning she asked, “Why isn’t anyone doing anything?”. Over one million children in our state stayed home a few weeks ago because of the mysterious threat of a possible shooter. Columbine’s legacy is alive and well here in Denver. And all over the country. Because we now don’t just have Columbine, schools and shootings feel normal.

The way I see it this school violence situation stands on a three-legged stool. One leg is guns, the types out there and who has access to them. A second leg is mental health, how we diagnose it, treat it, and who has access to both. The third is more the cultural move toward isolation, how we are treating each other, and a general disrespect for one another and human life.

This is not a post about gun reform, there are lots out there that I support. That part of the conversation seems to be in a constant cyclical debate and I can’t find my place in it. I want sensible gun laws. I don’t know how to get us there. So the question becomes, what can I, a mother of four who listens to the direction of the sirens when her kids are in school, do about this? What possible change can I make?

I am realizing more and more the macro is impacted by the micro. In other words every school shooting has an individual, or as proven yesterday a few individuals, in crisis. They accessed specific weapons in specific places. There were specific opportunities for those circles to intervene on specific instances. In other words every trend is made up of a number of micro examples. There is no question I have the most impact in my circles right around me. My schools. My children.

As a parent I have access to my kids. I can spend time listening, being aware, and present in the places where they are. I can talk to them about how they’re doing and pay attention to those right around them. Not out of distrust, but out of love. I can do better here. I think we all can.

As a parent I can remember how difficult teachers’ and administrators’ jobs are and have some perspective when talking with them about my child’s needs. These adults are carrying very heavy loads on behalf of many kids. This is unfair and I can support them with grace and patience. I can invest in trusted adults who are also in tune with the kids that are not under our roofs, but are within arm’s reach. This is why I support Young Life at our high school, more adults reaching out to hurting teenagers. That is never a bad thing. I can’t do everything, but I can make the Young Life leaders dinner tonight. So I am.

I also have a little bit of a voice in this world. As a voter I can support elected officials. As a parent I can advocate for school dollars to be used toward mental health. In my case I also happen to have a podcast and write books. These are the places where my voice is most amplified.

Yesterday on The Open Door Sisterhood Podcast we debuted our first ever series on mental health. May is Mental Health Month and we didn’t want to miss the chance to talk about it. Our first guest is Kay Warren, co-founder with her husband Rick of Saddleback Church. We talk about Kay’s journey with depression, parenting a child with mental illness, and losing her son to suicide. This may be the most important episode we’ve ever aired because the information could be life saving. If you are a parent, please listen. Among other things we talk about how to differentiate between a teenager’s bad mood and something more serious. Kay is a woman who is using her own grief to help other parents because our kids’ mental health is so important. This is my current help in that second leg of the stool.

My latest book that released a month ago, is my best effort to tackle that third leg of the stool. It is intended to get us talking about, thinking about, and ultimately acting on this cultural trend of missing each other. Loving My Actual Neighbor is about conversations, awkward moments, and loving each other through difference. It is in part about acceptance. Not of the status quo, but of our neighbor’s dignity as a human being. Not because of anything they’ve done, but because of who they are, a reflection of God’s image here in the world. We must remember every person’s inherent worth if we are to teach our children how to do the same.

I wish there were easy answers. The practice of Accepting What Is in my book reminds us that the world’s problems seldom have simple fixes. We must accept hard work is required. If we all focus in a little more on the micro, I am sure the macro will improve. I am sure of it.

“God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.”
-2 Timothy 1:7 (MSG)

It is time for us to be bold, loving, and sensible with what we have with the people right around us. Lives depend on it.